My prediction is that I’ll relate more to the pubescent boyscout in Moonrise Kingdom, than the pubescent french looking blonde
Sometimes the love of your life walks in the room and it just happens to be a tempermental puggle. Some things in life are beyond my control.
Kiki is my beagle, but the memory of the puggle remains…
So I heard the job market’s competitive…
Guess we made a good decision when we hired someone today who CAN NOT COUNT
Simple numerical adding…
We also hired a man who’s resume was typed up and CAN NOT SPELL. Not only that, he CAN NOT USE SPELL CHECK apparently, because it was TYPED UP. I’m pretty sure his only qualification was: I’m sexy, I wore a suit to the job interview.
I DON’T KNOW WHATS HAPPENING TO MY WORLD.
The 24 EXPERIMENT
Kellen and I may or may not have written a little play about a magical yogi doughnut seller, a fatefully unfunny stand-up comic, Babs, the editor-in-chief of FABS magazine, and Iner, her subordinate photographer who’s vengeance is Russian mail order brides.
Brought to you by the delirium of 4am.
What I saw onstage tonight was future exaggerated caricatures of what Kellen and I could become: Old ladies living in West Hollywood with notepads, mantras, and guns.
What I learned:
I like watching plays more when Ive had a hand in writing them. (narcissism)
Actors have trouble memorizing the phrases “Jelly roll Jinx,” “Black Magic Bear Claw,” and “One of his hobbies is adultery.”
Your play is always better if the guy directing it owns a vaudeville and candy shop in North Park.
Mothers Day UPdate #2:
She didn’t want my eggs, but she DID want Mexican takeout. So I took care of that on my way home from work, then I did the elliptical, and ate part of a banana muffin. Id estimate that 1/3 of the things I did today were not in my benefit. Mothers day accomplished. Not sure why my greeting card is still on the kitchen table…
Did I mention that I need to move out?
Mother’s Day Update:
I just offered to make breakfast for my mother and she threw chocolates in my face. I feel like I’m my mothers ex boyfriend who cheated on her. I hope everyone else is having a good Mothers Day.
I’m really lucky that I accidentally got up early on Mother’s Day.
Instead of thinking only of myself, I’m going to do something for someone else this morning so that I feel good about myself later and maybe have a good day/not feel guilty about still living with parents/not have to endure sad looks from my mother who feels neglected/not have to apologize profusely while being criticized or angrily insulted.
NONE of that will happen now that I’m making eggs.
Maybe if I get a tattoo of a compass rose, I will finally have mental recall of north south east and west! I have always had really bad directional etiquette. It’s been a lingering problem for me since grade school. No matter how many times I look at/study a compass rose, I still cannot for the life of me retrieve directions from the web. (inside my head.)
But the time has come! I am determined to learn my directions for good! Every night before I go to sleep, I’m going to say my directions! When someone at work needs to know where to find greeting cards, my answer will be “In the Northeastern wing of the store monsieur!” When a homeless woman asks which direction to the Salvation Army, instead of, “To your right, just follow the wind,” I’ll say, “Let me point you in the direction of six blocks east madame!” This may save lives, or just boost my self esteem, but by all euphemisms for holy ghosts, it’s worth a try!
(Plus, I’ll add french words to the end of every sentence to make them seem more legit/worldly/or if I’m actually speaking to a french person.)
